At that time my three children were 15, 9, and 6 years old. I remember praying that I would live long enough to see my son graduate from high school, and then when that occasion passed, I prayed to live long enough to see him enjoying his college years. Which is where he is today, a sophomore in college, soon to be a junior.
Looking back four years ago, I remember filling those same bird feeders on that brisk March day, and I recall crying as I prayed to God for Him to give me another season of Spring, or another vacation with my family, or another Christmastime with my children. As I prayed, I could almost hear my kids laughing along the beach. I could hear them tearing open the wrapping paper of their Christmas gifts. But the one thing I really remember hearing is my own voice, as I begged God - day after day - for more times to be with my family.
I still pray those prayers, but at this time in my life, even though the prayers are just as genuine as they were when I was going through the awful treatments, I am now able to pray the prayers with less tears. And with less pleading.
And with more gratitude for what God has given to me.
So today as I look out my kitchen window and notice a few birds enjoying their brand new seed, chirping and flitting about from one feeder to another, I need to remind myself to do something very important. I need to remember to pray to God - each day - and thank Him for giving me this time with my family, with my birds, and with my life.
Looking back makes me look forward with a new song in my heart, and a new outlook on life. I don't ever want to get to a point where I forget to look back. I don't ever want to forget to stop and listen to - and really hear - the songs of the birds.
4 comments:
This post brought tears to my eyes...happy ones. I'm happy that you are sharing your story. It is a good one with a very happy ending. I cannot imagine what it must have been like to have children old enough to really understand what you went through. My kids are too young to truly get it, and I am fine with that! Amazing that refilling bird seed could spark such a memory...all my best!
Today in church, I was worship leader. Coincidently it was Cancer Sunday, where we pray for those who have lost their lives to cancer, for those who are dealing with the disease, and for a cure. Daffodils are handed out when it is over. The sermon was entitled 'Hope' and when it was over, there was an annointing for healing. Everyone expected that I would go for healing, and I did, but as I stood in line, it suddenly became clear to me, understood to the very depths of my soul: It is not about the cancer. It is about aligning your life with God's will. If you can do that then whatever difficulty you encounter in life is doable. Endurable. Temporary. I knew this before. I knew it intellectually. Now I 'know' it in my soul.
This is a beautiful post. I haven't dealt with cancer myself, but I've lived through it on the "other side" having lost both of my parents to cancer when I was very young. I try to remember and thank God often for all that He's blessed me with. I sometimes get too complacent about my blessings.
I replied to you at my blog, but didn't know if you'd come back and see.... the cake was just a plain, boxed white mix. It called for egg whites (3) instead of whole eggs and I think that's what made it so very moist.
What a very inspirational post and so very true. I look forward to this spring as the true blessing that it is. Hope yours is blessed as well, full of lots of birds singing and family fun.
Kerry Osborne
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