Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Edit Profile

Edit Profile. Yep -- that's exactly what I did today. I changed one word. My profile page now begins with these words, "I am a five-year breast cancer survivor." Five years. I changed the number four to five years! It's so hard to believe that I've been cancer free for five years.

Webster defines edit as "to modify, or adapt so as to make suitable or acceptable." As compelling as it was to make the change to my profile so that it was more accurate, I couldn't help but feel somewhat hesitant about changing that small word.

People might ask me, "How in the world could you feel any hesitation? You are done! You've passed the five-year mark!" I guess the only answer I am able to give is this: Cancer caught me off guard, rocked my world, and forced me to "modify and adapt" my entire view of life. The moment I'd received the news that I had breast cancer, I needed to remind myself daily that I would be okay, and that I would survive. Never before had I needed to adapt my outlook so dramatically.

Of course, I hope that it's over, and that I am indeed "done" with cancer forever. Who doesn't hope for this? The thing about cancer is that it's taught me to live one day at a time, and to hold on to the little things even more tightly. Little things like my kids' hugs, and the sounds of the peeper frogs chirping at night. Or the beautiful sunny daffodils blooming at my doorstep, even though there's still a chill in the air. It's not that I took all those things for granted before my diagnosis. It's that now cancer has forced me to modify my thinking and to savor those things like never before.

Yes, I've changed my profile page. It was easy to edit one little word. Looking back over these last five years, though, I've realized that the real challenge is to allow God to "edit or modify" me, as to make me more suitable or acceptable in His eyes. Not only did I change the letters on my profile page to reflect the passage of time since my diagnosis, but I need to change my spiritual profile so that it reflects God's image. For our actual profile isn't really up-to-date until we accept that His plan for our lives is absolutely perfect. And that concept is something that I can definitely accept, without any modification.