Positive Relationship

Whatever the cause, my nerves are frazzled. Maybe it's the hormones. Or perhaps a full moon will be upon us soon. Perhaps it's the fact that my husband's been out of town for a few days, my son's at college, and there's just not quite enough testosterone within our home necessary to mitigate all the estrogen and progesterone floating around. My daughters, ages 14 and 11, have been bickering with each other. A lot. Not full-blown arguments. Just the annoying, continuous eye-rolling, mixed with the sarcastic comments, added to the what-in-the-world-are-you-talking-about look that accompanies the simplest of questions. Neither daughter claims to have "started" any of the heated discussions, yet both feel the need to release the final word, or provide the last look of disdain, or make the last annoying sound. Sounds like the clicking of the tongue, or the audible clearing of the throat.

What is it with women/girls? My experience as a nurse, mom, wife, sister and daughter tells me that men don't act this way. They just don't. It's almost as if men simply don't have the time for such silliness. In its simplest form, maybe when young women behave in this manner it is a way for them to "rehearse" the skills necessary for survival - to win out the other women in search of finding the strongest mate. But how is a mom supposed to cope with the daily "survival of the fittest" role playing that takes place in her own living room?

I'd read somewhere once that according to some studies, there is a higher divorce rate among parents that have 2 or more daughters than among those with two or more sons. Good thing that my husband is out of town this week.

Funny thing is that I remember bickering with my own sister, when we were younger, decades ago. Maybe it's genetics? Maybe I have a dominate trait for bickering that was passed on to my offspring. Oh dear. This is getting more and more somber as I write.

I think that at this very moment, now that my two young daughters are finally tucked away in their beds sleeping peacefully, now would be a perfect time for me to settle down with a glass of my favorite wine, and wrap myself in one of my coziest afghans with a good book that I have been waiting to finish. There are some days when I need to remind myself that this too will pass. After all, my mom made it through - survived it all, if you will - so I know that I can, too.

I don't know if there's any validity to the relationship between divorce rates and raising daughters. But I'll bet that, compared to moms with sons, there is definitely a positive relationship between moms with daughters and the amount of gray hair on their heads!

From Virtues to Vanity

I'm reading a book that has really made me stop and think. In, "Five Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter," Vicki Courtney articulates how our daughters' views of themselves have changed over the centuries. Specifically, she argues that young teens these days typically have a poor self-image, low self-esteem, and are generally overly consumed with their appearance. Although these sentiments are nothing new or revolutionary, they should make us ponder just what we as moms and women can do to help our daughters feel good about themselves, just the way they are. The way that God made them to be.

Here's something that I found fascinating. The author notes that if we looked at journal entries of young girls, let's say those written more than a century ago circa 1880, the young women often described themselves as being deficient regarding certain aspects of their internal character. For example, they might write about how they will strive to be more patient, or to remember to think before speaking. They might also focus on how they could reach out and help others more consistently.

On the other hand, what do the diaries of today's girls demonstrate? I'll bet that an entirely different perspective pops out. Thanks to skinny models, beautiful women portrayed in movies, and a plethora of teen magazines such as Seventeen, girls probably write about their appearance, such as their weight or their complexion. Much of their concerns most likely relate to their popularity. Virtues? Are they even mentioned?

Why the shift in focus from virtues to vanity? According to the author, one major reason for this paradigm shift can be attributed to an important invention: the mirror.

The mirror has changed the way we see ourselves. Literally. And I am as guilty as the next woman - or man. I hated the way I looked when I was bald. Back then, I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. I remember loathing walking past a glass storefront because one slight turn of my head in that direction, and my reflection would once again remind me of my ugliness. Even with the wig or scarf intact upon my head, I knew that underneath it all, the real "me" was bald. Vanity. It sticks to you like gum on the bottom of your shoe in August.

Yesterday, I heard my thirteen-year-old daughter commenting - albeit, somewhat jokingly - about how a particular pair of pants makes her look fat. She's about 5'6" and weighs 115 pounds! Where have we failed as a society? Or am I to share some of the blame for her negative perception? Possibly.

As moms, as friends, let's try to see beyond that superficial mirror and focus instead on what's deep inside our hearts. Then, let's look into the hearts of our girls. They need us to be their cheerleaders, to let them know that they are beautiful, just the way God made them to be. Let's hope that we ultimately reflect attributes of God, not those of vanity.